I feel like it is a strange time at the moment. I feel quite at-odds with my husband although this could be, and, more than likely to be down to PMT (or 'DMT: During Menstrual Tension' a.k.a 'During Mental Time') where I am ruled by my hormones and I go from being a normal person to one who has a mood swing every 20 seconds or so. My current one is that I am not happy, I am unsuccessful, I am NOT ENOUGH. A hair-shirt wearing 2o seconds or so.
My husband is complaining of general illness. This weeks ailments have ranged from torn shoulder (previous Friday), a seized back (all weekend), an 'internal' knee strain (Monday) through to "general bleuugh" and yet none have been diagnosed or necessitated a medical opinion. Thing is, I do feel sorry for him and he probably is genuinely run-down. The problem is that I am at saturation point with his on-going minor-injury achievements and now don't give him the attention I am sure he probably deserves.
I sometimes feel there is vast emotional gulf between us. He was brought up with the 'keep it in, keep it locked up' school of feelings and I grew up with my tears 'indulged' and the odd scream and shout to boot. I'm not suggesting that either way is better, just vastly different so much so that we don't always understand each other and sometimes, like now, I feel a bit disliked by him. I am having a tearful 20 seconds where I am now convincing myself that my husband is quite out of love with me at the moment. I admit it: I sometimes don't feel loved by him and it's horrible and soul-destroying.
I feel I should also make an admission of DMTness that occured last night. Husband was out at some work thing and I had spent a big chunk of time on my own with Monkey yesterday. I had a boring evening by myself and felt lonely. I received an email from him saying what a great time he'd had. My nasty little DMT streak typed a particularly moaney email back, signing off 'Fed Up'. This went down like a lead-balloon. This is the reason he's being 'cool' with me, I know it. F*ck the f*cking hormones
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2 comments:
You need a Huuuuuugge bar of chocolate and an even huuuuuger glass of wine.
It'll make things feel so much better.
I thank you for your concern and your suggestions. Tried and tested v. much in this house. Forever the optomist, let's see what tomorrow brings.
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