This is evolving as some sort of 'marriage analysis' blog. Can I solve my marital strife by writing it down for the world to read (er, let's not flatter myself by thinking anyone would want to read this depressing, self-indulgent diatribe)? I doubt it.
OK, well, we had our weekend away. Not entirely a disaster and neither is my marriage. More that I have a general feeling of depreciation and dissatisfaction that I am sure is familiar to most marrieds. Forever the dreamer, I suppose I thought our marriage would be different and evade the traps that 'other people' seemed to fall into. Trouble is, we have become those 'other people' and all the crap that goes with them. I suspect my husband feels the same although, and this is a huge generalisation, men tend to stick their heads in the sand until an almighty crises forces them to address the problem. Please don't hate me for this generalisation, it's merely based on my limited experience of men.
I feel emotionally neglected. My husband cannot bear yet another episode of self-pitying tears so we bob along in a sort of 'ignorance-is-not-quite-bliss-but-just-about-bearable' state of things. I thank God that no-one seems to look twice at me these days nor that I am ever in the company of men because I think I would feel extremely vulnerable to some ego-flattering flirtation. I can't believe I'm even thinking this, let alone writing it. My husband does not seem to notice me and the less he notices, the more I notice him not noticing me. Does that make sense? I don't know what to do. I feel as if I'm rotting inside.
We went to 'Relate' once. Do you know it? It's where you go when you think you want to stay together but can't bear the sight of each other. We thought it was great but then had to go on a waiting list as apparently, there are lots of other happily marrieds out there contemplating their 'options'. When the long awaited phonecall came, we were going through a 'good phase' so we didn't bother. It's a lot of effort to lay your spleen on the table once a week. This, I now realise, was a mistake as we are stuck with the same sht that we always had with each other.
I can't work out whether he feels as fed up as me or my dissatisfaction is growing at an alarmingly faster rate than his. Is that the secret of longevity in marriage: your dissatisfaction grows at a mutually acceptable rate?
Answers on your keypad.
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4 comments:
silly mummy, someone has left a comment for you on wife in the north's blog (under oyster oyster)...they wanted to leave it here but couldn't. If you want anyone to be able to comment (including 'anon's) you need to go to your dashboard and under 'parameters'(i think it's that, my blog talks in french and so i'm not sure of the english term!) and then 'comments', check 'allow anyone to comment'. Tell me to bog off if this is unwelcome advice, didn't want you to miss any comments tho....!
Careful now. We also went to Relate, but after the stable door had closed as it were. The poor, well-intentioned Relate lady ended up refereeing rather than mediating, so that had to be abandoned, too.
Thank you Pig In The Kitchen. I didn't know I had these parameter thingies so far from telling you to "bog off" (or should that be 'blog off' ha he haaaa) I am grateful for your detailed directions on how to rectify this.
Hello - it was me that made the comments on WITN blog.
As I tried to explain there I do appreciate why you would want to restrict your comments to Blog registered people only; weeds the nutters out for a start.
I have a blog too but don't necessarily want to advertise it SO if I can comment on others' blogs anonymously (well - I leave a name and never tick the anonymous box) then so much the better.
ANYWAY - the initial point I wanted to make was ....be yourself.
I saw your moniker (Silly Mummy) and inwardly groaned. Have you seen how many new blogs have started up a la Wifey in the North's book deal made the news?
Bloody loads!
Just click on any of the commentators on her blog and the archives all go back to...February, 2007.
It's so predictable and depressing!
Don't try and be like her. She's a journalist who has contacts.
Write for yourself; maybe don't label yourself as a "Mummy" thing?
Look - I'm a mother of three. I blog (not every day) but it's not aimed at anyone.
I'll shut up now but feel you have interesting and thoughtful things to say - just don't try and hitch onto the WIFN bandwagon - too many people are already trying to do that.
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