It's getting worse. Much worse. I have been embroiled in what must be a common argument with wives-of-successful-husbands. The crux being who comes first: the job or the wife?
My husband announced that despite it being my birthday tomorrow and his strong assurances that he wouldn't have to go to a lunch 'do', he was under enormous pressure to go to said lunch and was that. Obviously I did what I know best: I turned it into a DRAMA. I pulled a face (I think I even went red and hot) and stomped around the kitchen before whipping out a load of ancient grudges and throwing them at him, wham, bam, straight in the b*ll*cks. I listed things such as him "being away last year on my birthday " and how the year before (my 30th) that he "hadn't berluddy organised anything". It was the equivalent of throwing a small atom into the room. He retaliated with "I'm pulled in both directions" and then proceeded to list his grudges "I hate the travelling" and "I hate the job". All of which sounded fair enough but not when I thought it was me deserving to do the foot stomping.
I stomped out to get my hobbit-like feet made presentable and came back determined to drink vodka and tonic and keep my trap shut. I managed the former bit but think this also loosened my resolve on the latter.
He attempted an apology for his having to go to the lunch and instead of being gracious, I stupidly rode the wave of rage and launched into another diatribe amounting to 'poor me' whinge whinge. He said how hurtful some of the stuff I come out with is. I suppose it is, isn't that the point of a pointless argument? To try and hurt each other and win? I know there's no winning and I don't want to hurt him. Sheer frustration at the situation made me MAD (mental and direct) and now I don't know what to do. He's retired to the spare room so I have my big bed for company while I wrestle with my conscience and will no-doubt see in my 32nd year alone.
I know it's childish but it's like I said: a choice between me or the job. I feel v. marginalised and simply wanted to be put first on my birthday.
Mental note for my new year: must try and grow up and consider husband's feelings more.
I think I even did ironing during this battle tonight. Perhaps this is a truer indication of my forthcoming maturity?
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1 comment:
Now I'm really getting a strong sense of deja vu. I hope you can get off the slippery slope - do go and talk to someone, make your own life more full and interesting - if you are happier, your relationship will be too. He is pulled in two directions and sometimes you have to take a back seat, although your birthday should not be one of them. I hope things get better for you.
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